who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize