that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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