I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A bitchslap is in order.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
