I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
