Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
