He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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