i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
