So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
