My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
MIDGETS
????
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
