My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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