is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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