Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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