I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So many bounce houses so little time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
