I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
