You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
