You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
