dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I smell stomach acid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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