You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
