my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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