HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
