You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
