doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
