Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
