I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize