We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
