the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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