Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
