Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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