I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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