Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
