watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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