your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
