i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
