i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
