Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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