At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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