I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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