Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
