ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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