in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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