So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
