I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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