I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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