Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
