Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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