we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
