Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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