I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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