the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize