The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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