My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
