I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
