you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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