Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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