I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
