she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
