I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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