And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
