i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
