i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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