Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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