Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
