You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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