I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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