Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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