Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
