Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
bring money and cleavage
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
