I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my shit smells like andre
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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