Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
