so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
