Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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