I want to stick my p in your. b.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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