Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
