This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
