The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
