I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
