Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
