i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
