I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
