he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
