yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
