If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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