Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize