put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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