i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
