I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
