I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The ass gains better be worth it
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