when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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