it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
