I think my vagina is haunted
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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