Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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