in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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