He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
