I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
