You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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