Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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