So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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