she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
