Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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