how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
