You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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