i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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