He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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