I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize