Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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