This girl is more easily done than said...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
