there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
