So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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