If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk is a universal language darling
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