and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
