The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize