I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
