Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
