Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
